So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
