I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
