WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
