I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
