Banned from zoo.
Again?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
