My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
