I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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