Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
