I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
