sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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