i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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