I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
