If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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