Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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