I'm jealous of your bromance
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My bed smells like the plague
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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