it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
