I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
