Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
