Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
