So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
