I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
