the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wear drunk well.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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