Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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