When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
