Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
