i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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