i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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