We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Say something about gay babies.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
