You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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