Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
