Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
