Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
