ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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