I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
