I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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