Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
