just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
