I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
