She's JV to your varsity
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
