The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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