Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
