fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
