Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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