Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
