My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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