The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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