Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
