It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
