just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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