Buhtt sex?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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