you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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