so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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