i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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