Pappa wants mamma naked
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
