The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
