yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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