There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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