if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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